A List of Potential Names for My Hypothetical Children, and a Description of Who I Imagine Them to Be

• Piper - Mildly cool, large foreheaded girl with a heart of gold.
• Crow - Rustic chap who, if they aren’t already, will make all of his shirts sleeveless. The first guy you ask to get a Frisbee off of the roof.
• Boyd - Thoughtful enough to read notices on mailboxes about missing pets, but not to the point that he’ll commit any of the information to memory.
• Otto - “Dr. Awkward”
• Likeable Hombre - A descriptive name that saves time both here and with the personal ads he will no doubt have to write come adulthood.
• Tends to Carry Firearms - See above, but less of a description and more of a warning.
• And Mona on Drums - A drummer in a band, hopefully.
• Groverbelle - Your guess is as good as mine.