The Foul Paper That Never Was

Totally had this idea for a dumb joke masquerading as a satirical one wherein, because of the recent controversy regarding the Alberta oil sands and the proposed Keystone XL pipeline, I would post a picture of a reasonably attractive looking protester in front of the oil sands and below it write the caption “I’d tap that.” But since those protests have been happening in front of, you know, government buildings and not the oil sands themselves, I couldn’t find a picture that made the joke sing the way I wanted it to. So instead of just moving on with my life I’m now explaining what this dumb one-liner could have been and adding a whole other level of sweaty desperation and sad delusion to it in the process, which when you think about it sort of makes this the ultimate Foul Papers post, really.