Foul Papers

I'm Andrew McIlvaney. I write this stuff, but never mind that... How are you?


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… For the last time, I am not throwing this out. I don’t care if you have company coming. You see those stickers on there? Those are collectors’ items. Most people just throw out the shrink wrap on their DVDs without ever peeling these bad boys off and then they’re just gone forever. You ever hear of supply and demand? I mean, this thing’s like a scrapbook of gold. And memories. Are you the kind of person who doesn’t want to reminisce about Martin Short joining the cast of SCTV in ‘82? And the bonus CD that was included? Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know you. … Don’t do that. You know what you’d be doing, right? You’d be getting rid of art. This baby’s one black and white Photoshop filter away from netting me a full-ride scholarship to Alberta College of Art and Design. You know, ACAD? Or is that just another one of my dreams you want to put in the rubbish bin? … Well where else was I going to put them? One day you just start doing something and before you know it it’s big — bigger than any of us. I’m repurposing it. This is giving you a smile every time you feed the fish, if we ever get any. … Fine. But you at least have to appreciate the challenge I’ve put ahead of myself here. I’ve had this thing since 2003. That’s four house moves. It’s almost a part of me now. I’ve asked myself all the questions you’re asking me now, everyday. It doesn’t get any easier. Believe me, this thing’s a bigger burden on me than it is on you.

…

For the last time, I am not throwing this out. I don’t care if you have company coming. You see those stickers on there? Those are collectors’ items. Most people just throw out the shrink wrap on their DVDs without ever peeling these bad boys off and then they’re just gone forever. You ever hear of supply and demand? I mean, this thing’s like a scrapbook of gold. And memories. Are you the kind of person who doesn’t want to reminisce about Martin Short joining the cast of SCTV in ‘82? And the bonus CD that was included? Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know you.

…

Don’t do that. You know what you’d be doing, right? You’d be getting rid of art. This baby’s one black and white Photoshop filter away from netting me a full-ride scholarship to Alberta College of Art and Design. You know, ACAD? Or is that just another one of my dreams you want to put in the rubbish bin?

…

Well where else was I going to put them? One day you just start doing something and before you know it it’s big — bigger than any of us. I’m repurposing it. This is giving you a smile every time you feed the fish, if we ever get any.

…

Fine. But you at least have to appreciate the challenge I’ve put ahead of myself here. I’ve had this thing since 2003. That’s four house moves. It’s almost a part of me now. I’ve asked myself all the questions you’re asking me now, everyday. It doesn’t get any easier. Believe me, this thing’s a bigger burden on me than it is on you.

October 24, 2011
22:57
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  1. foulpapers posted this