A Series of Haikus Which, From What I Have Discerned, Contain Only Words Found on Shampoo Bottles

You ever just have one of those mornings where you wake up in your bathroom after getting cut like Fortinbras from your Ultimate Frisbee team, surrounded by an even ratio of empty beer to shampoo bottles, smelling like a wasted angel? And for some reason you’ve carefully unfurled the toilet paper, written poetry on it, and then rolled it back up again? And it isn’t so much your bathroom as it is your neighbour’s with the really similar floor plan, and boy is she scared and the cops are on their way? Oh, it’ll happen, and god help you if you don’t have the warm embrace of a microblog when it does.

The point is, these things exist now, and I guess we’re all stuck with them:

Natural rose hips
Delicate, voluptuous
Herbal Essences

The reach of children
Relieves contact with redness
In one easy step

Damage therapy
Nourishes the essential
Restores self-esteem

For external use
It’s the Axe Effect, baby
Avoid eye contact

A radiant shine
Imported solar yellow
Daily expressions

Wild strawberry
Extract your satisfaction
A sweet scented treat

Naturally pure
A clean, simple, friendly mind
Never desired

Deep, beautiful roots
Organic botanicals
The fresh water life

The doctor questions
Irritation, scalp itch, flakes
Get medical help